This blog may seem like a pity party, I'll lay that out up front. However, my blogs are supposed to be about my struggles, joys, and misc. about being a Christian. So, here's a current struggle:
I don't think I'm an ugly person, but, being a typical woman, I often wish that there were things different about my body. I'm not muscley at all, but I'm not fat- I'm trim. And of course, there are some other departments where I'm not so "well-endowed." Anyway, it's difficult to find clothing for me-especially because my pants size is between sizes, I have narrow feet, and swimsuits and dresses are jokes. I know it could be worse. And I virutally have no time to "work out" like all the cool college girls do-I'd rather spend the time getting school work out of the way so that I don't have to stay up really late at night. I have a love-hate relationship with shopping, depending on whether I can find clothes or not.
So how does this hinder me in my walk with God? I'm a little torn: God wants my body to be a temple, so I should treat it with respect and give it what it needs to be healthy, so I feel guilty for not making time to work out. Atleast I'm not drinking and smoking I guess. However, God wants me to be satisfied with what he provides me with-this body is what I have so I should be thankful to be breathing. And on another note, God makes all thing beautiful in time, so perhaps I'll be more beautiful in time. However, what God sees as beautiful is more than just physical, I think. I try to take comfort in knowing that when I go to Heaven I won't have this body anymore. I'll be new and improved. Jason's such a trooper with trying to help me out with dealing with this. He tells me I'm beautiful all the time, and for that I truly am greatful. He knows I need to hear it-and he says it with honesty. This is really something I think I need to be praying about. I'm thoroughly sick of dealing with stupid self-esteem issues and I want to be comfortable with how I look as much as I'm comfortable with who I am. The Devil takes hold of us in silly ways, doesn't he?
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